Happy 26th Birthday TJ!

My handsome man turned 26 today. What an old fart. We had another appointment, and its not looking like we will be having a baby any time soon. Not even close. So, Madelyn and her daddy will not be sharing the same birthday...

Its been one of those days...

     Ya know, one of those days that starts out perfectly normal, but just kind of becomes wonderful somehow?? Thank goodness for those sweet days, and thank goodness for today. I got a FULL nights sleep, which felt glorious considering I have been averaging about 3 hours of good rest lately. I strolled out of bed, got some good bible study done, and was whisked away to a great little lunch date with my sweet husband. I could even put my tennis shoes on all by myself today! (- its the little things). Today is also the day I found out that I made it into MAP, the education program I desperately want to be in and have been anxiously awaiting an acceptance letter to. TJ changed his major to a Master's Degree he much prefers and is thrilled about, and now with our academic futures a little clearer and marked out, we got to talk about times we could possibly go and get our son from Uganda-its like a 6 week trip to get him.

OOOOOOOOOh the sweet relief of the school hassle load becoming lighter...

     Also, Thursday is 37 weeks and we will be "full term." I never thought I would feel like I do, but I am so much calmer and less stressed than I imagined. While it may seem like I have a sour attitude about this pregnancy in normal conversation, I have really enjoyed it. I like feeling every move, every hiccup, and every big bottom she sticks out under my right rib. I love my daughter, and I love being so close to her and being able to take care of her. Its strange how my relationship with my stomach has changed! The idea of "pregnancy" and a "child" inside me used to be so abstract and distant. Even though I knew it was real, it didn't feel like a reality. Even now, sometimes I forget that there is actually a small person behind this big ole belly, and very soon she will be in our arms. I think its the fact that we have never laid eyes on her that she feels... not quite real yet, or not quite here yet, although she is VERY MUCH here. In the past few days, I have become, well, infatuated. It feels like when you meet a boy for the first time and everything reminds you of him, and you daydream about his every feature and feel physical pain until you can see him again. I feel like that about Madi. I daydream ALL the time. I wonder what her hair will look like, and if she has her daddy's eyes (I hope!), and what her first cry will sound like. I want to hold her in my arms and feel her warm tiny little hands. I wonder what our first moments face to face will be like, and what it will feel like to kiss her. The anticipation is KILLING me! I've never wanted to see or hold anyone as much as I want this little girl. OOOOH I'm in love. Big time. Even though she is with me always, I miss her. I'm so ready to have her...

9 MONTHS!!!

     Wow I am so pregnant. Today we are at exactly 36 weeks-next week is technically "full term" I think. Its unbelievable and an increasing relief that we will have our baby girl within the month. Overall I feel OK, but this huge baby is wearing on my body! I have new aches and pains everyday. This morning at 4:00am (a time I never like to be awake) I shot up out of bed with the WORSE heartburn of my life. Granted, I gorged myself on Olive Garden and lemon cream pie the night before, but it was terrible. I waddled to the kitchen only to find one measly TUM left in the medicine cabinet. Of course.
     My grandma came this weekend to hang out and help us get the crib together. She's really good at sewing and making masterpieces so I knew she'd be a huge help. And we had so much fun together! We finished the crib, so the room is now absolutely complete (more or less-there ALWAYS seems to be one more thing...) and ready for Madelyn! And, she took me shopping for all kinds of baby things. We got various covers and sheets and TONS of clothes, and... a wipes warmer. Haha, that last one is funny because, Grandma has gone on and on about how important a wipes warmer is to the psychological and physical nurturing of our child. After all, how unbearable would it be to have a cold wipe touch the graced bottom of our Madi? To me, life is rough and sometimes you just have cold wipes on your bottom. But Grandma kept insisting how marvelous and necessary they were, and lo and behold we stop at TJ Maxx and what do they have? One single antimicrobial wipes warmer just sitting there, reasonably priced and waiting for us. SO guess what? Madelyn now will never have to experience anything but an appropriately warmed wipe and a pleasant diaper changing experience. Between the two baby monitors and the wipe warmer we have on the changing table, it looks like a spaceship command center.

     Today, I celebrated my nine months of pregnancy by meeting my own momma in Birmingham for lunch. She was on a field trip with her band kids today. Its always interesting to me to see other people's response to me if they haven't seen me in a while. Normally it includes a lingering stare, a twins joke, and a little giggle. I got all of those today from my former 7th grade teachers. Alot of things have changed since the 7th grade! Not really for them- they all pretty much look the same. But I have changed a little.

     My momma texted me after she left and said:

"There is just something special about holding 

your baby no matter how old she is."

That absolutely must be true. Holding Madi when I'm 65 will be just as sweet as next week when I hold her (wishful thinking? lol). Being a mom has made me so much more appreciative of my own momma. Its true what they say-that the older you get the smarter your parents become. And the more you realize the love they have for you and everything they have done for your sake.

Love you momma.

Love you Madelyn.

Thanks for the heads up.

     So there are all these gross things that happen when you get pregnant, that NOONE ever finds important to pass on. One of these important and well-hidden pregnancy secrets I have just discovered is... pregnant skin sunburns waaay easier than normal. To the point you may think you are going to die because your skin has turned into hot lava.
     I have always been thankful to my wonderful mother and her Latina heritage for skin that tans pretty easily and burns pretty rarely. So I didn't think twice when we went to Stephen's game today for 3 innings. I felt a little burnt, but after we left the more time that passed the redder I got. Its one of those stupid sunburns too that just gets one side of your face and only your right side. I feel like I spent 3 days at the beach. Minus all the fun.

    Apparently, some kind of pregnant hormonal change can make the preggers sunburn super easy. I learned my lesson from now on. I will now be bathing is sunscreen any time I go outside.

Thats Romantic.

     So my parents have been married for like a hundred years. They've had 4 children and survived cancer, two hip surgeries, and the struggles of day to day life. They really love each other. I called my daddy a awhile ago and he told me he was taking my mom out for a dinner date that night. Ooooh how sweet! But imagine my disappointment when I called my momma later that day, and she said he had decided to play poker that night so she was just going to cook some dinner at home. Ooooh how NOT sweet. Happy Valentines Day you guys. Super romantic. I thought it was totally sad how UNromantic their evening had become, and how neither one seemed bothered in the least about it. What a bummer, right?
     But then I started thinking about T.J. and I's marriage, and I realized the same thing is happening to us. Its kindof nice though, in an unexpected way. Now don't get me wrong T.J., when you read this don't think its ok to ditch me on Valentine's day to play poker. We're not to that level yet. But this whole idea of romance vs. comfort is starting to make sense to me.
     Romance is first-date smelling good, eating cute, heart throbbingly exciting. But its also hard, and contrived. It merits snuggling all night with a romantic good-morning kiss. Not getting the ribs because you look like a cave man eating them. Running five miles a day so you still look good. Being whisked away for some surprise date, and having interesting and witty things to say. Its great! I really love it! But its all so planned and orchestrated and mildly unrealistic-its impossible to stay in a state like that forever!
     When I look at my parents, they are totally comfortable with each other, and in a way that is most romantic of all. Being comfortable with someone requires unashamed openness. Its eating three dinners and going to McDonalds at 12 am, and a "baby you still look good to me." Its wearing your grandma moo moo and still catching your husband steal glances because he still thinks your cute. Its no more snuggling, loud snoring, and a "don't you kiss me with your morning breath you sicko." Farting under the covers, and a candle-lit bowl of cereal while watching forensic files. Being comfortable with someone just requires bold honesty about all the gross unattractive things in your life, and acceptance of somebody else's. Instead of planned moments of "romance" to embody affection, it becomes embodied in taking out the trash, cleaning the kitchen, making the bed, editing a research paper, or cutting each others toenails.

     Being comfortable takes a lot more time and effort than being romantic.

    I have not graduated to the "comfortable" stage with Madelyn yet. I think I'm still stuck in the romance part. Before that starts sounding really weird, let me explain. My day dreams and visions of Madelyn include bringing our sweet new born child home, beautiful and QUIET and never crying. In my dreams we are always happy and never stressed and parenthood is so easy and encouraging for me and T.J.. Madi never gets sick or cranky.  I still get plenty of sleep and always look rejuvenated and patient... IN MY DREAMS, right. My vision of how life will be still feels a bit...romantic. And by that I mean very nice, but probably very unrealistic. I finished reading Babywise, and I never realized how gross babies are. My dreams never include colic or reflux, or being covered in spit up. Or the different poop-oriented shananigans that arise: changing colors, blowouts, STINK. All they wanna do is get their diapers dirty, eat, and sleep. And they are bald and needy and their necks don't even work. And  babies are gloriously unashamed of it. I on the other hand, feel mildly grossed out. My excitement to meet her and to NOT be pregnant for a while is sure to be met with a real reality check when the romance wears off and the real world happens again. I hope and suppose that will be the part when comfort starts to enter the picture, and I am no longer afraid of the baby and her baby ways, and serving her becomes a gross honor of mine.

I am better at yardsaling than couponing

     I have recently begun the learning process involved in becoming a successful couponer. And its totally hard. I think that's why I like yardsaling so much. Everything is a deal! And I'm a sucker for a good deal. BIG TIME. I haven't gone in a long time, but I got an itch to wake up tremendously early this morning and try to get lucky with some yardsale finds. Theres always baby stuff for cheap, but I never really cared about it before, because...well I never had an expensive baby to fund. And now I do! SO imagine my excitement when I have a fantastic morning. It. Was. Glorious. And I feel like a champ.

infant seat that vibrates and plays music. 2 bucks. boom

complete bedding set AND absorbent mattress pad. SO CUTE, protect the 

mattress, block the stink. BOOM. $6.

baby einstein...gym thing. collapsable. boom.

Homedics nursery noise maker and projector of cute pictures. Now I can

 make Madi's room sound like its at the ocean. BOOM

     I am awesome at being a mom today.

34 weeks

We made it all the way to 34 weeks! And still going strong. According to all the Publix employees though, she should be coming next week. Personally, I vote about April 3. TJ gives me three weeks. Mom votes March 25. Dr. Kim says about a week before the due date. I guess Madelyn has the final say in THAT one though :)

Happy 34 weeks my sweet LARGE baby. love love love you