What a week...

    We had Madelyn on Wednesday! She beat the induction, and only took 7 hours from beginning to end.

April 4, 2012

1:16 a.m.

8 pounds, 1 ounce

20 inches

As of right now, I have too much sleeping to catch up on to really put together intelligent thoughts, but let me at least try. I love my daughter so much. I think I can't ever love her more and then two minutes later I do. Holding her in my arms finally is the most amazing feeling. She opened up a new kind of love in my heart I didn't know I could have. Even despite all the sleepless nights, having to feed her basically on the hour, and recovering from a massively traumatic physical experience, its been the most rewarding time of my life. I see my husband hold her and take care of her, and kiss all over her, and it makes my love for him go to a completely different level. He has been amazing about taking care of me, and giving me rest when he can, and bringing me whatever I ask for, lol. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, thats for sure. Learning how to adjust to our new family is a blessing. A hard blessing, one that makes me tired and cranky and cry alot, but nothing else in this world has ever been sweeter. Motherhood is an amazing gift that I am so thankful for- a whole new life of worries and concerns, and struggles. My heart has already been completely stolen away from me. I would do anything for her- give up anything, go anywhere, take any measure. She is my absolute love. I think God gives us parenthood so we can have a chance to understand how his heart feels about us. Even if this is just a small reflection of His love for me, its amazing. Its life changing.

     Heres a picture of Madelyn on her first Easter-I have to throw in a picture, because, well, she is the most beautiful person in the entire world.

Madelyns 0th birthday

Today has probably been the most special day in our Sunday School class's life- at least as long as I've been a part of it. Yesterday was tryouts for danceline, majorette and color guard for our girls-and I'm so proud of them! They all did a great job! And this week, I'm having a baby on Thursday and Emily is getting married on Friday! Busy busy busy to say the least. Well, I walk into Sunday School this morning, and right behind me is Emily and David with a birthday cake! For Madi! Complete with princess plates and napkins, and a birthday badge. The candle was a big zero-which I think is so hilarious and very clever. It was all just very thoughtful and sweet and special. Madelyn's first birthday party-err, well, pre birth day party. Absolutely marvelous.

 Madelyn and her birth day cake...

from beginning to the end

        5 weeks                                                  13 weeks

       21 weeks                                                        24 weeks

 

     29 weeks                                               34 weeks

 

          36 weeks                                                 38 weeks

How I imagine Thursday...

38 weeks and 1 day

HUUUGE! Time to evacuate Madelyn, lest I explode

In one of my first blogs, I talked about how much I am not a fan of naked pregnancy photography. lol. SO, until now, I have resisted any urge to take a picture of the real bare-belly monster that has overtaken the area my waist used to inhabit. Still probably not going to put these pictures over my fireplace or in the Christmas card, but maybe in 25 years I'll want to look back and remember what it was like. I enlisted my husband to become photographer for the day, and here they are... the few, elusive glimpses of my big belly. 

I think this is one of my favorites...

Its like finding out you only have one week to live...

     "Wait, what?" was my response yesterday in the DCH parking deck when TJ said it.

"Its like finding out you only have one week to live..."

     Yesterday was our third and most likely, final, weekly checkup with Dr. Ray. We found out I'm 2cm dilated and 50% effaced. So, Kim said its a good idea to go ahead and get induced next Thursday, April 5. Something about a deadline makes it seem so real. Ok, Duh, Im going to have a baby. Real soon. But the fact that we actually know WHEN is flooring. I felt like I did when we first found out we were pregnant! Like...wow... ok we are going to have a baby...Thursday. I'm surprised at how stunned I feel.  I really was not into the idea of being induced. I don't like the concept of having some chemical pumped into my body that is going to force it to do something it wasn't trying to do. Now the concept of epidurals, I love. Yes, please give me a nerve block so I can't feel things and please give me a button I can push any time I want more. But being induced? Don't like that idea quite as much. And yet, here I am, completely ready to be induced. The problem is I am hopelessly and completely in TRUST with Kim Ray. Anything she says I do. If she told me having Madelyn on my head would be best, I would probably do it. Me and TJ just both really trust her decisions and she always makes me feel very comfortable and at ease about everything. And what more could a girl ask for from her baby doctor??

     So I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and emotional at the prospect of finally meeting my daughter. I am maybe a little quiet, perhaps fighting back a single glistening tear...and TJ spits out those prophetic words.

Its like finding out you only have one week to live...

     I couldn't help but giggle. "What?" But he is absolutely right (besides the comparison between the birth of our first child and death). Having a deadline set and knowing you only have 'so much time left' puts things in perspective a bit. Like, for instance, tomorrow is the last Thursday of my life it'll just be me and TJ. Its weird. Our last week of this part of our lives as we know it. It makes me wish I complained less about pregnancy, since I know this is the last week I'll ever be pregnant with her again. My niece Adri just moved into a toddler "big girl bed" and I remember the day she was born...just like Madi will be...on Thursday. And I feel sad and almost want to cry because one day very soon Madi will be in the big ole world with us and all the germs and danger, and then in just a little while longer she will be...in a big girl bed. And it makes me realize how fast we can wish away parts of our lives because we look forward to another part, and then next thing you know your daughter is in a toddler bed and lost all her baby teeth and getting married and buying toddler beds for her babies. While the minutes seem to drag by right now, I know they will all too soon speed up. This "deadline" is really making me savor the the 'time we have left' in a very sweet way. I woke to a letter this morning from my husband (after he set off the alarm leaving for work and the police came to our door. Thanks TJ) asking me on a date to Olive Garden. It was our first date. Haha, and now our last date, PRE-Madelyn.

sleep...

     Why have I been awake since 4am you might ask? Well, I just might ask myself that same question. Self, why won't you go to sleep and just make everyone happy? I don't know other self, it might have something to do with the universe's mean pregnancy hormones that make me sleepy ALL THE TIME, and yet make nighttime sleeping impossible.
      This reminds me of a story- once upon a time, there was a VERY pregnant lady, and then her daughter decided to hurry up and be born, and she was no longer swollen, huge, or an insomniac. And everyone was happy and slept soundly through the night promptly at 6 weeks.
     About a month or so ago, I was talking to my mom about the delivery, and she said ," Don't worry baby, you will be fine one way or the other. They will cut or rip that baby out of you and you will be fine." At the time, that comment left me feeling slightly anxious and making mental notes not to ask my mom for any more comforting pregnancy tips. And yet now, my anxiety seems to be waning. One of my future professors was talking to me the other day and said, "the last uncomfortable weeks of pregnancy are God's way of giving a woman the incentive to give birth." Wow. Yes. No wonder she is a Dr. Mom's words seem soooo comforting now. Please! Give me some of those good meds, and take this baby. Just go on ahead and take her out, however its gotta happen. Of course I still feel a little scared and uncertain about the whole miracle I am about to perform with my body (thanks for everything, Eve), but lets just get on with it now. I pray to God sometimes and ask him if Madi is healthy, and ready, please let her be born. Now.