But back to the glucose test. For some irrational reason, I have been stressing over it. More than is necessary or reasonable. So I go in today, a little stressed and anxious, and take the test. They make you drink this sugary drink, wait exactly an hour, and then prick your finger to check your sugar.
I hate getting my finger pricked.
And they pricked me. And I failed the test by 6 measly points. My sugar had to be 140 or below, and it was 146. Stinking 146. SO, I'm going to the outpatient lab tomorrow to have the 3 hour test done. Its the exact same test, but it takes 3 hours. Obviously. And they will check my sugar every hour. If I fail this test, I officially have gestational diabetes and I have to go to the diabetes place in the hospital and learn how to change my diet and prick my finger 5 times a day to check my sugar. I hate getting my finger pricked.
More than just discomfort and finger pricking, failing the test scared me. Like really scared me. Don't you agree that theres something about having an irrational fear come true that is terrifying? Even when the sane part of yourself knows it will be ok and its not that big of a deal. Its more about how I feel than the actual reality of things.
My momma has diabetes. She was just diagnosed a few years ago, but I hate it. I always looked at her sugar monitor thing as this mean ugly gremlin that comes out all the time to prick her finger and squeeze her blood out. I know thats gross, but its how I feel. She's totally cool and awesome about it, and I actually think it hurts me more than it hurts her. But I don't feel like a grown up like my mom. I don't want to be one either when it comes to diabetes. I don't want to have it. I"m not brave like my momma. It scares me. And I can't even pinpoint the exact reason why.
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