Jack Jack

     Yesterday was a flurry. We had our Sunday fourth of July service, followed by spaghetti and an excellent nap, then followed by intense efforts at writing and editing and website creation. We wrote out our fundraising letter (which I will not be discussing because it is ADORABLE and I want it to be a surprise :) ), and starting off was really challenging for some reason. Me and T.J. sat on our bed with jus the words "dear friends and family" before us for a good 20 minutes. I was genuinely surprised at how hard it was to write out this letter. I guess its challenging to verbalize all the huge and complex feelings and reasonings we have in a very small concise letter. Its not like a blog where I can just ramble on and on about whatever I feel like. lol. But after a little (well, a lot) of discussion and effort, we finally got rolling and made our little masterpiece. Its totally cute and trendy and technologically current. T.J. found this cool website that allows free fundraising, so basically the website doesn't receive any profit from the fundraising-it all goes to the "recipient." I think thats pretty nice of them. We just made it yesterday and posted it to facebook on our wall and in my "about" section. My momma was the first to donate, and she signed it "Nana."My heart swelled just at that thought-he's got a sweet Nana. I know the goal of a fundraising website is to ...well raise funds... but for some reason I was unexpectedly shocked! I checked my email and squealed so loudly T.J. said I scared him. It feels like more than a friend or family member just giving us money. It feels like one of the most deeply touching gifts I've ever been given. Its like they are giving us parenthood again. I know of course, it is God and God alone who is actually giving our son and us to one another, but the blessing I receive from these people's generosity is humbling. One person left us an "anonymous" donation, which is so sweet and I know they did that because they don't want any recognition. But I wish I could just go up and hug their neck and tell them how deeply thankful I am. I feel my thankyou card itch coming back again, but it hardly seems appropriate to write a card to someone who is changing our lives. I don't know. I don't know if I'm even making any sense as I write this, but I wish I could take my heart out of my chest and give it to them so they could understand the way I'm feeling. How blessed I feel. How thankful. How honored and humbled and blessed. I said blessed twice because thats how much I feel it.
     So anyways, my mushy gushy feelings aside, we are a few tiny baby steps closer to the day we meet my Jack Jack. We have a few forms to fill out and a couple of payments to get in line and a LOT of waiting to do, but we've actually begun it. I can feel my soul sigh as I think of all the time we are spending apart. When I put Madelyn down for her nap (praise God) this afternoon, I stopped and admired her for a moment. As it often does, my mind wandered to Jack and what he is doing this moment. Obviously, theres no way to know. No way to even know if he exists yet. But he might- he could be anywhere from a newborn to 3 years old. As a momma, I started to think about his care and worry for him. Is he getting changed often enough or getting proper nutrition or enough vitamin D? Is he being kept clean and fed? Are there people who are loving and taking care of him while we are apart? Then my mind wanders to more personal thoughts. Does he know that his MOTHER loves him? Does he know that I love him more than I can stand and that I would do anything and go anywhere to bring him home? Does he know that I literally ache for him, and worry for him, and imagine room decorations for him because I want to take care of him for the rest of my life. I want to be the one to kiss his boo boos and his forehead goodnight. I want to hold him close when he is scared and tell him about Jesus and play with him as long as he wants. I know I'm not perfect and I'll mess up but the God-given love I have for him is absolutely perfect. Does he know all these things? And of course the answer is no. How could he. This is the thought that brings me to tears nearly every time. No. He doesn't know I love him. Yet.
     My last blog was about how awkward fundraising seems to me and how unqualified I feel to attempt it at all. I asked My dad-in-law how to raise money, and he said "just ask." Haha, to be honest I felt a little dumb after he said that, as if it were so simple. I also felt majorly encouraged after he made my mountain back into a molehill, because when Daddys' aren't worried about something it makes you feel like you shouldn't be worried either. There is a link at the bottom of this blog to our fundraising website if you would like to donate toward our adoption expenses. Also there is a link to Lifeline Adoption Services if you want to check out the agency we are going through, and a link to T.J.'s blog if you want to read about his experiences through this adoption.

....and also a picture of Madelyn today, just because she is looking especially beautiful. :)




http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?fundraiser_id=4922&url=thejoyfamilyadoption

http://lifelinechild.org/adoption/international/ethiopia/

http://tjjoy.wordpress.com

looking like a baby model