#PregnancyWoes

     We had an appointment with Dr. Ray today! I had to take my blood glucose test (which takes a very long time, btw) so I went alone, for the first time. As far as Madelyn goes, things are "about as perfect as they can be," according to Dr. Ray. I measured 27 cm on our 27th week, which is perfect. Madi's heart rate is 145, which is perfect. She's healthy, growing well, and I'm 38 pounds heftier.

     But back to the glucose test. For some irrational reason, I have been stressing over it. More than is necessary or reasonable. So I go in today, a little stressed and anxious, and take the test. They make you drink this sugary drink, wait exactly an hour, and then prick your finger to check your sugar.

I hate getting my finger pricked.

     And they pricked me. And I failed the test by 6 measly points. My sugar had to be 140 or below, and it was 146. Stinking 146. SO, I'm going to the outpatient lab tomorrow to have the 3 hour test done. Its the exact same test, but it takes 3 hours. Obviously. And they will check my sugar every hour. If I fail this test, I  officially have gestational diabetes and I have to go to the diabetes place in the hospital and learn how to change my diet and prick my finger 5 times a day to check my sugar. I hate getting my finger pricked.

     More than just discomfort and finger pricking, failing the test scared me. Like really scared me. Don't you agree that theres something about having an irrational fear come true that is terrifying? Even when the sane part of yourself knows it will be ok and its not that big of a deal. Its more about how I feel than the actual reality of things.

     My momma has diabetes. She was just diagnosed a few years ago, but I hate it. I always looked at her sugar monitor thing as this mean ugly gremlin that comes out all the time to prick her finger and squeeze her blood out. I know thats gross, but its how I feel. She's totally cool and awesome about it, and I actually think it hurts me more than it hurts her. But I don't feel like a grown up like my mom. I don't want to be one either when it comes to diabetes. I don't want to have it. I"m not brave like my momma. It scares me. And I can't even pinpoint the exact reason why.

National Championship

ALABAMA -21

LSU-0 

ROLLLLLL TIDE

Praise the Lord that Alabama won. For my school's sake. For my marriage's sake. For the ride home's sake. PRAISE THE LORD.

Now let me tell you why Alabama was guaranteed to win tonight...

because Alabama always wins National Championships on years that major events in my life occur, and subsequently overshadow them. For example, the year T.J. and I were married, Duke won some basketball thing and Alabama won the National Championship, and T.J. made this glorious statement:

"This is the best year of my life."

Wouldn't that be sweet if he were referring to me and not sports team victories? Now that our first child is being born, this can once again be one of the greatest years of his life. Because Alabama has won another Championship!

Haha, I know that sounds very cynical and unhappy, but I'm actually very excited. Me and Mrs. Mary Jacque watched from the hotel in New Orleans and the boys went to the game. I know that even as I write this, they are hugging complete strangers and re-living especially interesting moments in this magical game. If I am completely honest, there are times I become very jealous of this game T.J. loves so much, because I want his undivided attention and love. I've recently come across the term "football widow." But at the end of the day, when it all comes down to it, I love that the Joy boys (my husband included) have something they can get so excited about. And I love that they love it. I'm learning to synthesize my own "love" for Alabama football because they are soooo into it. 

Roll Tide Thank God

pregnancy!

Merry Christmas!!

     Its Christmas Day 2011! This year has been the first year I've been away from my family in my entire life. But its been a great Christmas at the Joy House! Santa came at about 11 o'clock last night and we slept until lunchtime today. It was fabulous.
     I look forward to the days when Santa gets to come to our house and surprise Madelyn (and soon enough, Jack Jack) with all kinds of wonderful presents. My 23-year old brother has ALWAYS been the first to wake everyone up on Christmas day to open presents, but this year my 2-year old niece beat him to it. Maybe for the first time in his life! Just thinking about that makes me anxious for Madi and Jack-Jack to rush into our room at 3 am, all bedheaded and crazy-eyed, and force us from our bed to see what Santa brought. That nice old man. I relish the times to come when Christmas is magic and mysterious again!

Mrs. Mary Jacque got a big vase 

T.J. got me a sapphire ring and necklace

     I've been reading this book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis, a missionary my age who works in Uganda. Its a totally awesome story- Katie just "quit her life" and moved to Uganda to help provide for kids who need medical treatment, schooling, and the Lord (to name a few things!). Ok, so, its a great story if it just ended there. BUT it has been so impactful in my life, even beyond just a good story or a worthy calling. Her dependance on the Lord beyond typical human, AMERICAN, reliance is inspiring. And whats more, she has a wonderful heart and willingness for adoption. As of where I am in the book so far, she has adopted 17 children! Maybe that sounds crazy to most people, maybe even irresponsible and overzealous, but to me it sounds...beautiful. As I read her words its as if they were the words my heart has been trying to speak. When she talked about the first time her first daughter called her mommy, I cried. I literally wept, ugly faced, alone in the living room. Because, I long for the first time one of my children will call me mommy. I long to see Jack's "beautiful chocolate face" as Katie says, and hear his precious voice. I long to see Madelyn and hold her in my arms as she makes her first earthly sounds. Katie describes her love for her children in a way I really like and relate to. She says people always want to tell her how "good" she is, and what a great thing she "is doing," but she says this love she has is nothing she has mustered up within herself, but is the overflow of the Father's love in her own life. WOW. If you let that just simmer for a second, its really a beautiful picture. I feel the same way too I think. This love and desire for my children is nothing I choose. Maybe other mothers can relate to that too. I could choose nothing but to love and desire and long for them. This love really is out of my control. Thats why I like Katie's description, because the love she writes of and the love I feel has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the Lord. It is a blessed God-given love. Its marvelous.

     As far as the pregnancy goes, my ribs feel too small for my huuuuge stomach. I've gained a good 30 pounds and according to my friend summer, a "rounder face." lol. I eat like two grown men and my back kills me sometimes. My belly button is also still looking totally weird. But its not popping out yet. Not yet. But Madelyn is kicking so much, and so much harder. I really love when she does, because, its almost like we're touching. Like she's high-fiving me or something. Is that dumb? I don't know. But I love it.

     Also, I compulsively clean our house now. YAY. And I found this really cool de-clutter calendar on pintrest that has a fun de-cluttering activity for every day of the year. OK, when I just reread that sentence I realize it sounds totally weird. But just in case someone else is interested in "fun de-cluttering activities," I'm posting the link. I'm very excited about all the cleaning ideas, haha.

  http://www.mysimplerlife.com/

6 Months!

Its Official

     We bought a crib!

My dream crib. The absolute most perfect crib. ever.

     I can't quite explain my reasoning, but getting a crib has been this huge step in making our pregnancy seem more real. Its stupid, but when Brother Billy and TJ were setting it up in Madelyn's room, it felt like, "Wow, Ok, I'm really having a baby." lol. I cannot count the hours I have spent online looking at nursery decorating ideas and color schemes, and finding crib styles and dimensions and bedding... and Madi's room had to sit empty and waiting. For some other strange reason, I can clean the entire house to a T, but I resist going into Madelyn's room alot. I think its because I have all these extravagant dreams and aspirations for the magnificent room I plan to create, but nothing to start my nesting! Or at least I had nothing. I was absolutely itching to get a crib and start arranging and rearranging and rearranging again.
     So, Brother Billy and Mrs. Mary Jacque took me and T.J. to the mall today and made my dreams come true. We looked in Sears and found the exact  crib we were hoping for, and by divine appointment and grace they had it in stock in the store room. So no more waiting for Malyssa! Then, as if that was not enough, they took me to Motherhood Maternity and absolutely LAVISHED me. Now my growing belly has an entire wardrobe that actually fits over it and looks totally cute. And I'm not exaggerating- an entire wardrobe. They even sat outside my dressing room and pretended they weren't bored as I tried on about 1,000 outfits. Merry Christmas to me.
     I think I'll never forget today. I felt so happy and so blessed and so over-indulged. And spoiled rotten.
We are about 6 months, 2/3 of the way done, and I feel so excited to start decorating the room for the most special person in my life. In my world.

So thats official. I have an awesome crib and an awesome maternity outfit for every day for the next 2 years.

     Something else is very official. T.J. and I have started the paperwork to adopt. Its something we've always talked about from before we were even married, and as the Lord would have it, Lifeline adoption agency came into T.J.'s office to talk to them. Its a long process, and will take about 2 years or so, but in just a little while we will have a little boy from Uganda. Thomas Jack Joy Jr.

     I feel like I'm pregnant twice, in a way. Like maybe Jack Jack is even growing in someone's stomach right now. Maybe he's running around or crawling around already. And I love him with a love I can't even put into words. I love him like Madelyn in that weird way that makes your heart feel like it wants to explode and swoon all at the same time. So even though I'm being pregnant for the first time, I feel like I'm becoming a mother twice, all at once. And it feels totally right, like this is what I have been meant to do for my entire life.

21 and a half weeks

My belly is getting much rounder! My back is hurting and getting out of bed is getting harder-not because I'm tired, but because my abs don't work the same! Reaching the bottom shelf is becoming more of a hassle, and strangers can tell I've got a baby and not a beer gut. I become famished every night. Literally, I have two dinners, lol. But God is good and I am grateful. Me and T.J. went to see Breaking Dawn for the second time yesterday, and for those who have seen it, you know its not the best depiction of a delivery. Hopefully I won't die and Teej won't have to bite Madeline out of my stomach and shove a huge syringe in my chest. Also, I now have to clean the entire house and organize it appropriately. Oh but despite all this complaining, I love being pregnant. I'm enjoying every stage and season.