sweet love

     I make an effort every day to obtain some form of normalcy. Lately thats been found in the form of brushing my teeth and making the bed. If I can brush my teeth before lunch time, I'm having a good day. If I can make the bed before bedtime again, its been a success. Who knew household chores and basic hygiene would one day make me feel productive. lol. But its been baby steps!!
      Madelyn likes to stay awake until about 2am every morning, which really interferes with my sleeping, can occasionally make me grumpy, and makes her cute little self much less cute. Life in general is just not as cute at 2 in the morning. I discovered a magical trick that makes her sleepy though. I laid down the other day in our bed and held her really close to my chest. For the longest time, I've felt like she was pretty indifferent to me and TJ-but can you blame her, shes a brand new baby that doesn't know what the heck is going on around her. But this particular day, I laid down with her and she cuddled up so close to me. She'd been a total gremlin all day long, but when we laid down she snuggled up and quit her headsplitting cries...and all was forgiven. I was absolutely in love. Its tiny little moments like that that I gain more understanding for God's love for me. I was about to explode from all the trouble she was being that day. She's a clueless little baby that doesn't know whats good for her. I know (most...or some of the time...) what she needs. I want nothing more than to take care of her. And she can be completely distressing to me all day, and the moment she decides to cling to me and let me take care of her, its all ok. I want to embrace her and protect her and all her  difficulty is forgiven. In fact, my heart leaps at the thought that she seeks comfort in me.
     It gives me a new perspective of how God sees me. Sometimes I have an issue with feeling like God won't want to hang out with me, or he's mad at me, because of my failures. But the way I feel when my daughter longs for me changes everything. If this is just a reflection of how the Lord feels when I want to cling to Him, then everything feels completely different. Of course I still want Madelyn to grow, and learn and not stay making the same annoyances, but I completely accept her just the way she is. I know God doesn't want me to stay as I am, but I feel like I understand the acceptance he has of His children much better. Not only am I relieved when she wants to be close and finds comfort, but my heart is blessed.