pregnancy!

Merry Christmas!!

     Its Christmas Day 2011! This year has been the first year I've been away from my family in my entire life. But its been a great Christmas at the Joy House! Santa came at about 11 o'clock last night and we slept until lunchtime today. It was fabulous.
     I look forward to the days when Santa gets to come to our house and surprise Madelyn (and soon enough, Jack Jack) with all kinds of wonderful presents. My 23-year old brother has ALWAYS been the first to wake everyone up on Christmas day to open presents, but this year my 2-year old niece beat him to it. Maybe for the first time in his life! Just thinking about that makes me anxious for Madi and Jack-Jack to rush into our room at 3 am, all bedheaded and crazy-eyed, and force us from our bed to see what Santa brought. That nice old man. I relish the times to come when Christmas is magic and mysterious again!

Mrs. Mary Jacque got a big vase 

T.J. got me a sapphire ring and necklace

     I've been reading this book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis, a missionary my age who works in Uganda. Its a totally awesome story- Katie just "quit her life" and moved to Uganda to help provide for kids who need medical treatment, schooling, and the Lord (to name a few things!). Ok, so, its a great story if it just ended there. BUT it has been so impactful in my life, even beyond just a good story or a worthy calling. Her dependance on the Lord beyond typical human, AMERICAN, reliance is inspiring. And whats more, she has a wonderful heart and willingness for adoption. As of where I am in the book so far, she has adopted 17 children! Maybe that sounds crazy to most people, maybe even irresponsible and overzealous, but to me it sounds...beautiful. As I read her words its as if they were the words my heart has been trying to speak. When she talked about the first time her first daughter called her mommy, I cried. I literally wept, ugly faced, alone in the living room. Because, I long for the first time one of my children will call me mommy. I long to see Jack's "beautiful chocolate face" as Katie says, and hear his precious voice. I long to see Madelyn and hold her in my arms as she makes her first earthly sounds. Katie describes her love for her children in a way I really like and relate to. She says people always want to tell her how "good" she is, and what a great thing she "is doing," but she says this love she has is nothing she has mustered up within herself, but is the overflow of the Father's love in her own life. WOW. If you let that just simmer for a second, its really a beautiful picture. I feel the same way too I think. This love and desire for my children is nothing I choose. Maybe other mothers can relate to that too. I could choose nothing but to love and desire and long for them. This love really is out of my control. Thats why I like Katie's description, because the love she writes of and the love I feel has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the Lord. It is a blessed God-given love. Its marvelous.

     As far as the pregnancy goes, my ribs feel too small for my huuuuge stomach. I've gained a good 30 pounds and according to my friend summer, a "rounder face." lol. I eat like two grown men and my back kills me sometimes. My belly button is also still looking totally weird. But its not popping out yet. Not yet. But Madelyn is kicking so much, and so much harder. I really love when she does, because, its almost like we're touching. Like she's high-fiving me or something. Is that dumb? I don't know. But I love it.

     Also, I compulsively clean our house now. YAY. And I found this really cool de-clutter calendar on pintrest that has a fun de-cluttering activity for every day of the year. OK, when I just reread that sentence I realize it sounds totally weird. But just in case someone else is interested in "fun de-cluttering activities," I'm posting the link. I'm very excited about all the cleaning ideas, haha.

  http://www.mysimplerlife.com/

6 Months!

Its Official

     We bought a crib!

My dream crib. The absolute most perfect crib. ever.

     I can't quite explain my reasoning, but getting a crib has been this huge step in making our pregnancy seem more real. Its stupid, but when Brother Billy and TJ were setting it up in Madelyn's room, it felt like, "Wow, Ok, I'm really having a baby." lol. I cannot count the hours I have spent online looking at nursery decorating ideas and color schemes, and finding crib styles and dimensions and bedding... and Madi's room had to sit empty and waiting. For some other strange reason, I can clean the entire house to a T, but I resist going into Madelyn's room alot. I think its because I have all these extravagant dreams and aspirations for the magnificent room I plan to create, but nothing to start my nesting! Or at least I had nothing. I was absolutely itching to get a crib and start arranging and rearranging and rearranging again.
     So, Brother Billy and Mrs. Mary Jacque took me and T.J. to the mall today and made my dreams come true. We looked in Sears and found the exact  crib we were hoping for, and by divine appointment and grace they had it in stock in the store room. So no more waiting for Malyssa! Then, as if that was not enough, they took me to Motherhood Maternity and absolutely LAVISHED me. Now my growing belly has an entire wardrobe that actually fits over it and looks totally cute. And I'm not exaggerating- an entire wardrobe. They even sat outside my dressing room and pretended they weren't bored as I tried on about 1,000 outfits. Merry Christmas to me.
     I think I'll never forget today. I felt so happy and so blessed and so over-indulged. And spoiled rotten.
We are about 6 months, 2/3 of the way done, and I feel so excited to start decorating the room for the most special person in my life. In my world.

So thats official. I have an awesome crib and an awesome maternity outfit for every day for the next 2 years.

     Something else is very official. T.J. and I have started the paperwork to adopt. Its something we've always talked about from before we were even married, and as the Lord would have it, Lifeline adoption agency came into T.J.'s office to talk to them. Its a long process, and will take about 2 years or so, but in just a little while we will have a little boy from Uganda. Thomas Jack Joy Jr.

     I feel like I'm pregnant twice, in a way. Like maybe Jack Jack is even growing in someone's stomach right now. Maybe he's running around or crawling around already. And I love him with a love I can't even put into words. I love him like Madelyn in that weird way that makes your heart feel like it wants to explode and swoon all at the same time. So even though I'm being pregnant for the first time, I feel like I'm becoming a mother twice, all at once. And it feels totally right, like this is what I have been meant to do for my entire life.

21 and a half weeks

My belly is getting much rounder! My back is hurting and getting out of bed is getting harder-not because I'm tired, but because my abs don't work the same! Reaching the bottom shelf is becoming more of a hassle, and strangers can tell I've got a baby and not a beer gut. I become famished every night. Literally, I have two dinners, lol. But God is good and I am grateful. Me and T.J. went to see Breaking Dawn for the second time yesterday, and for those who have seen it, you know its not the best depiction of a delivery. Hopefully I won't die and Teej won't have to bite Madeline out of my stomach and shove a huge syringe in my chest. Also, I now have to clean the entire house and organize it appropriately. Oh but despite all this complaining, I love being pregnant. I'm enjoying every stage and season.

Thanks Giving

     On Thanksgiving this year, we were exactly 5 months pregnant- about half way there. Say whAAAAt? It seems like things have just flown by! We went to Enterprise to spend it with my family, and as I looked around the room Thursday afternoon and thought over our life together, I was struck by how much I really have to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband, a great family, a cute little puppy, and a beautiful baby girl on the way. I'm truly so thankful for all that. You know how sometimes you know something for a really long time, but then somehow for some reason, all the sudden it seems new? Like you never really knew it or understood it before? I feel that way, especially about my sweet T.J.
     I know Teej looks really happy and handsome in these pictures, but the truth of the matter is...well...he hates taking pictures and there happened to be an Alabama football game coming on this afternoon. So he DIDN'T want to be outside in a sweater indulging all my goofy picture dreams. But he sure did. When I feel frumpy and round he always tells me that I am the most beautiful I have ever been. I can see it in his eyes that he means it too. He rubs my feet and lets me sleep and reads books to my belly. He's gentle and forgiving, and patient and protective. AND hot. He's been my hero and my comfort through all my crazy phases. We have the absolute best conversations- the deepest most meaningful talks. No one understands me or argues with me or makes me feel special like my sweet T.J. Today he said, " I know I'm not going to be a perfect parent, but I'm going to try...," and I thought, I like that. I'm going to try to do that too. lol. And if he's anywhere near as good a daddy as he is a husband (and I predict he is), he'll be the best father for Madelyn that I could ever imagine.

Nursery Ideas....

Maybe I seem uninventive and boring, but I like simple for the crib! For whatever reason, bedding has always been the hardest part for me, and my favorite part too. So this is what we like (and by "we" I mean me and T.J., but mostly me because he just says "yea that looks good" at almost EVERYTHING I show him. He's a good husband).

The walls are green and we have these awesome damask curtains up. Our big beautiful window makes the room really hot or really cold though, so we're gonna have to add some extra white curtains that are energy efficient.

All of our furniture is white wicker, so we want this crib. I think its "classic."

As far as actual bedding goes, I LOOOVE this dust ruffle! I just want a plain white bumper too. I like the little white polka dots on this one.

http://www.carters.com/null/Super-Soft-Dot-Crib-Bumper/789887501472,default,pd.html?cgid=carters-home-neutral-bedding-crib-bumpers-dust-ruffles

T.J. likes the initial above the crib, and I agree. I also want to add the cute ties on the bumper like they did. Maybe we'll do other things to spice it up too.

Madelyn Michelle Joy

     We are having ourselves a beautiful little baby girl and I hope she looks just like me-except I hope she's sweeter than I was as a kid. haha. About two weeks ago we went to see Dr. Ray, and I saw the most beautiful little wiggling skeleton I believe has ever existed. The ultrasound technician sad Madi was moving all over the place, so it took a few minutes for her to determine the sex. And after a few minutes that seemed to stretch on for DAYS, she told us the most incredible news.

Prom dresses. Fairy costumes. Pink blankets. Dance recitals. Fingernail polish.

 Stuffed animals. Princes and barbies. Fits. Pretty long hair and first boyfriends and

 first breakups and first breakouts. Stockings and high heels and makeup. Wedding dresses

 and baby showers of her own one day.

     Its awesome. And nesting has absolutely begun!  I put up curtains and freaked out about bugs on the wndow sill, and cleaned the inside and outside of EVERYTHING in that room. I sit in there and dream and rearrange and organize and seperate and mother. I love it. We went down to Enterprise this past weekend and my sister gave me my neice's stuff she'd outgrown (and theres alot of stuff) and my momma gave me her favorite clothes of mine when I growing up, and some clothes even she wore as a baby. And so I am washing and seperating sizes and using altogether way too many disinfectant wipes. And yet I never tire.

     And guess what?? Yesterday I needed a nap real bad. So I absolutely had to take one since everyone keeps telling me I should enjoy my sleep while I can. And I do. But anyways I took a nap. And when T.J. came home and woke me up, I felt something. A BIGGGG something. A Kick. An absolute kick. And I knowwww its real because T.J. felt her with his own hands. Our baby Madelyn. My baby book says she's developing myelin this week, which is the covering on nerves like the plastic on wires. It insulates the nerves so electrical impulses can get from her cute baby brain to her cute baby muscles. So I am convinced that that is why I am completely capable of feeling this precious miracle at 18 weeks and 4 days. If anyone is counting. Honestly she hasn't stopped moving since then. I feel her right now! And its marvelous.

     I kept telling people yesterday and no one was giving me the response I was hoping for. Trying to contain myself, I would casually mention it, hoping for jumping up and down and loud yelling, maybe. I got none of that. Luckily I called my momma today and she finally met my excitement expectation. I'm talking this is HUGE for me! I feel like I'm on an even more real level of understanding this pregnancy. And yesterday was the first time T.J. really got to be a part of it like that- literally feeling our baby's life in his hands.

tickle in my tummy

     Last Tuesday I was sitting in Graves computer lab when I felt it. Absolutely, believe me or not, I felt it. Our little Joy jumped a little. It was a super soft flutter, but it was real! It was NOT gas (I mean come on, I've had plenty of gas in my lifetime. I know what that feels like), it was our child rustling around inside my belly. I even texted our OBGYN Kim and she said its not impossible. NOT IMPOSSIBLE. And it was definitely a full fledged flutter. It felt like he or she was tickling me real soft from inside. It was marvelous. I felt it again that night and this past Friday. Its maybe the  coolest thing I have felt ever. It makes the pregnancy seem even more real, and what a reminder of the miracle that God is GROWING ANOTHER PERSON INSIDE ME!
     This story is about to get much more interesting too in the next 12 hours or so. At 9:00 tomorrow morning we have an appointment. A very important appointment. Probably so important I won't even get to sleep tonight (which is a rare occurrence for me these days). A future-determining appointment. We find out the gender!!! Its an incredible mystery I am dying to find out. As long as our little baby isn't a shy guy or being modest, we'll find out tomorrow. This is truly worse than Christmas. My friend Jenny is as far along as me, but she cheated and found out already that she's having a little boy. She had an unfair advantage though because she works at hospital and has ultrasound technician friends. Anyways, when she told me tonight I almost jumped out of my sweater I was so happy for them! I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel tomorrow about our own baby! I'll probably tear up or cry- I've been a big cryer lately. Last week I was watching Law and Order and I started weeping-like loud uncontrollable ugly crying, over a fictional plot on a T.V. show. Real life is going to make me hysterical!
     I'm noticing something else about pregnancy I wasn't expecting. I kept searching my mind to find a word to describe the way I've been feeling lately, and then it hit me. Its sort of like...well it reminds me of...yes- puberty. Exactly. I'm totally grumpy and emotional and SLEEPY and hungry and ultra sensitive at times. I have this new super weird body that none of my clothes fit right anymore, and I have no idea how to dress myself sometimes. I even have a bit of body image issues I think. I mean- there are some huge weird things happening to me, and learning to embrace this ever-changing body is challenging. But I have learned some important insight thanks to all this. Pre-pregnancy, I would maybe define myself as scrawny, skinny armed, with the exact shape of a pencil. There were things about myself, as I suspect there are with all women, that I would like to have been different. And I have been vowing to change that perspective of myself, because I know that when the Lord made me, he made a good thing. A masterpiece. And NOW, as I am gaining new curves and a fuller belly, I suddenly miss my old body and it doesn't seem all that bad. Isn't that just the devil's tricks- the grass is always greener on the other side. Or on somebody else. So this is what I'm learning my second round in puberty: that my view of my (super weird) body will never be a healthy one if I am constantly comparing myself to a socially constructed idea of beauty. Beauty is in the imperfections and the differences in people, not the replicated identities we try to create. I will always be unhappy with myself if I can't see me for who I am. And I am a daughter of the King, a loving and loved wife, a mother... Now I sound like I'm complaining don't I? But let me tell you I never in a million years thought growing my beautiful baby inside me would cause my body image to suffer. But lets be real. Its a huge change, and takes a huge adjustment. And I am hugely excited to experience all that is to come. But its still hard sometimes when my face feels fat and my sweats are getting tight and half my closet feels like it shrunk overnight. These are all serving as little reminders of how I once felt and how many of our students are probably feeling. In that way I am thankful to be revisiting this terrible insecurity head on. So let me say this to all the girls (or I guess boys too) in our youth or otherwise who feel the same occasional dissatisfaction in the mirror- I'm learning who am I to call what God called "very good" anything less. Whatever I look like is ok. Its actually more than ok- its what God calls beauty ( Psalm 45:11) and it is good. I pray the Lord will restore my confidence and others' too. Lets all celebrate the differences that allow us to be beautiful- thick or thin, dark or light, any size and any color, even the swollen pregnant  girl. And there is beauty in all of it.

pregnancyyyy

Cute for our pregnant christmas card this year

Friday Lunch Dates

     Since me and T.J. are hopelessly in love, we try to have a lunch date every Friday. Well yesterday, this date looked like McDonalds and a walk in some obscure park near campus. Very chilly and romantic. As we sat quietly in front of this pretty fountain, I turned to him and said, "I'm really glad for these times we have now." I love soaking up these last few months of just the two of us, all wrapped up in only each other. Now, thats not to say I can't wait until this little person finally gets here, but I'm realizing a special season in our life is coming to an end- rapidly. I like Friday afternoon lunches and lazy Saturdays when we can do whatever we want. I like King Louie getting his dinner being our biggest personal responsibility. I like sleeping all night long. I like our entire household being potty trained. And I'm open to a new world and all the excitement that comes with Madelyn or Jack Jack, but I'm going to miss the old life too. Isn't that just life? You get kindof used to it and then it just goes and radically changes on you. Keeps things interesting I guess...
     Today my tiny baby is 15 weeks and 2 days. Maybe he or she can hear, which makes me embarrassed when I think of all the solos I take in the shower or in the car. Baby can squint and smile and frown. He or she is like 4 inches long or something like that- like a little baby action figure! Its strange, because I don't feel like I have enough room in my belly to have an action figure in there and not be able to feel it move. But I sure can't feel it. I can't WAIT till the first time we can feel it.

In only 9 days we'll know the gender! Which will be great because I've wanted to know for about 15 weeks and 2 days now, but also so I won't have to keep blogging about this "he or she" anymore. It will majorly free up some typing time for me.

Pictures!