the thing about life is

     The thing about life is it can really wear on you sometimes, can't it? Suddenly things that seem so sure can become not so sure. Things can change. Sometimes its even just the little things that add up, and suddenly you feel dragged down and broken. Well I've been feeling a little broken lately. A little worn down. A little pessimistic about life and all the bad that can happen. A little bit of a downer. Something about the what-if, the unknown, even the has happened, distresses me. I don't know why good happens to some and bad to others. I don't know why some things are easy and some things are hard. I don't understand the complexities of this huge universe I inhabit a small speck of. And I realize I shouldn't- that I serve an infinite God who understands and is in control of all, and HE is God and I am not. But that doesn't make it any easier to make sense of things sometimes. I don't want to be misunderstood, because I believe in God's justice and sovereignty. I know my God is the same God of Job, who gives and takes away; the same God of Abraham who provides for me; the same God of Paul, who is faithful even when I am faithless; Jesus. Still, my heart has been heavy and my spirit darkened to just life in general.
     Until tonight. My father and mother- in - law bought the baby a present today, just because. I wish I could describe the scene completely and the joy in their faces when they gave me the present. They were about to burst with excitement as I opened it! It was a teddy bear.  A precious little stuffed bear in pajamas just waiting to be loved by my little Madelyn or Jack Jack. I know its silly- but in this little stuffed animal I found embodied all the happiness and promise of our daughter or son. Granted, I have alot of feelings lately, but I could barely keep back the tears. I experienced the freshness and excitement of parenthood all over again, and I saw the deep love of my wonderful parents-all in a tiny bear.
     It was this great reminder of all the good in our life. We have been so blessed. And even beyond a bear or a baby or loving family, we have been given Jesus. That I may be a mother that teaches my children who this Jesus is. That I may be a mother who teaches truth and love and not judgement. That my children will not be shielded from the world, but experience it, question God, and be able to own their own relationship with Him. That they may test Him and find he is good, apart from me. That they may bring blessing and life to other people. That they may love. That I may nurture and not smother.That I may be reminded of how miraculous life is, and not take for granted the health of my children. That our family will have moments of melancholy like I have felt lately. That melancholy and hurt will teach us to rejoice and truly understand joy. That we may choose to serve the Lord, and have life.

Thanks for the bear Gramps and Nan.