thoughts on babies...

As a disclaimer, there may be content involved in this post that boys don't want to read about. Like breastfeeding and blood and guts and stuff.

     Two tuesdays ago, I was feeling especially pregnant and sickly, so my sweet husband cancelled his bible study and resorted to watching Smallville with me instead. And you know what happened around 5:30? My water broke.
     Its funny how you never know the way you will react to something until it happens. For me, once my water broke, I felt...giddy. Like Christmas was coming early-and in a way, it was, because we were going in the next morning to be induced. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing, and neither T.J. or myself could remember what we were supposed to do next. I was gross from chilling all day, so I actually hopped in the shower. T.J. assumed to normal anxious husband role, and began rushing around trying to get everything ready and talking really fast. I wasn't even in any pain. We caught every red light on the way to the hospital, and then I was casually rolled up to the 3rd floor. It was all terribly anti-climactic; not a thing like it is in the movies. As soon as we got to labor and delivery, I got a very pretty gown to put on, and a big ole IV in my arm. They took some blood, and right away I was aloud to get an epidural. Dr. Ray said, "You can wait to get one if you want, but why hurt if you don't have to?" Couldn't argue with that, so we went ahead and got one. Luckily, epidurals go in your back so you don't have to look at the enormous needles they are putting into your body. They put one in, and did a test run to see if it was in the right place. It wasn't. I almost passed out. Besides seeing Madelyn for the first time, thats the only time I cried. But man, when they got that epidural in the right place, it was NICE. I felt better than I had in weeks. I felt high as a kite. It was way nice. I didn't feel any of my active labor pains, and when it came time to push, it felt like...I just really had to poop. lol. Toward the end, it was pretty painful, but still, nothing like the movies. I never once yelled at T.J. or cussed at anybody. I prayed alot, haha. T.J. was an angel- holding my hand, and feeding me ice chips, and telling me how good I was doing. Like my own personal cheering section. And 7 hours after we checked in, at 1:16 a.m., we saw our daughter for the first time. We heard her for the first time. And we both cried. She was just the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Even covered in blood and guts, and screaming her head off, she was beautiful. And perfect. T.J. cut the cord, and they weighed and measured her, and handed her to her daddy to be the first one to hold her. I wanted him to be her first kiss. I can't explain the way it feels to see your child's face for the first time, or hear their voice for the first time. Its the most amazing experience to carry a person around for 9 months, and finally get to meet them. Its a love thats completely new to me. I make her all these huge promises without the blink of an eye, and I absolutely mean them. Its not even hard to make them. Like... I will do anything for you. I will always try to protect you. I am absolutely in love with you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen... We are unconditionally, irrevocably bonded together for the rest of our lives. She is mine, and I am hers. Forever. I love her with a love that makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
     Now, back to having babies. The worse part is 5 hours after you have the baby, when the epidural runs out, and your body still had a huge 8 pound baby explode out of it. That must be why women get 6 weeks off when they have a kid. Because recovery is slow, and kindof hurts alot, and you can only get like 3 hours of sleep at a time because you have an infant to take care of. Birthing a child is like the only traumatic body damage a person endures, and then is immediately expected to also endure sleep deprivation alongside the hardest thing a person can ever do-breastfeed. Who knew that would be so hard? But its SO hard. All I had was colostrum because my milk had not come in yet, and Madelyn had lost 6% of her body weight. At 7% they make you supplement, which was a dirty word to me. I kept trying to feed her, but its a learning experience for both of us-and apparently neither one of us were very good at it. I was exhausted and I felt like I was a failure as a mother already! I felt like I was starving my baby, and I should have had more to give her. I experienced my first post-partum breakdown at about 2 a.m. one morning when a nurse told me about that "s" word. But don't worry. She survived, and so did I.

Lessons I learned from delivering my first baby:

1. Don't forget your shampoo, because they won't give you any.
2. Sleep whenever you get the chance.
3. Order alot of food, because its all free
4. Let your husband sleep at night so he can entertain guests while you sleep. Whenever you can.
5. A few stitches and pain for a short amount of time is nothing compared to what you get out of it.
6. Definitely, definitely, take the stool softener
7.Take tons of pictures, because while it seems like you won't survive to the two week mark, every day    you'll look back and realize how much your baby has grown. And how you'll never get that time back.



Lessons I learned from my two weeks of parenthood:

1. Babies eat often. "Sleep when they sleep." And make sure you eat too. I forgot to sometimes, and it makes things doubly exhausting.
2. Drink about 15 gallons of water a day
3. Make good friends with the lactation consultants, because they will be your savior during breastfeeding dilemmas.
4. Babies can be little jerks and cry like they are hungry, and then fall asleep as soon as they start feeding. And then wake up and start crying again. And then poop and throw up all over you. And for the first couple days, you WILL see the sun rise.
5. Madelyn is not nearly as breakable as I thought she would be
6. Burp your baby well, or she might projectile vomit.
7. Umbilical cord stumps are gross
8. Make time to hang out with your husband, because he is one of the best things that has ever happened to you.
9. Even though you hold your baby all the time to feed her and change her, hold her just to hold her. Hold her close to you and kiss her face and try to remember how it feels